Category Archives: Communication

True Intimacy Depends Upon Separateness

INTIMACY DEPENDS ON SEPARATENESS   In earliest childhood our self-concept emerges from the symbiotic union of mother and baby.  Gradually it dawns on us that we are separate from our earliest caregivers.  First we learn we have a separate body … Continue reading

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Marital Crisis–and Beyond

MARITAL CRISIS—AND BEYOND       There comes a time in most marriages when the bottom falls out.  The entire relationship is called into question.  Usually, one partner feels this more strongly than the other. The less affected partner feels puzzled and … Continue reading

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Everybody Needs a Little Harassment

EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE HARRASSMENT   In coastal China the people are fond of a small eel they catch in the open ocean.  Because they’re so small, it takes a lot of the eels to fill the boat and the … Continue reading

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The Power of the Positive Word

  THE POWER OF THE POSITIVE WORD   We hear plenty about child abuse in the modern media.  Often unacknowledged by anyone, verbal abuse is the most common of all forms and has a devastating impact on the self-concept.  Just so … Continue reading

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The Argue-Proof I-Statement

THE ARGUE-PROOF I-STATEMENT       When you have a discussion with your loved one, you want them to listen to you.  You want them to understand you and to know how you feel.  Your goal is not to have them fight … Continue reading

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How to Increase Quality Time

“Nonreactive Presence” Increases “Quality Time”   People busy with the demands of work and family often feel they are missing the most important and rewarding benefits of marriage and parenting.  There are so many things that need to be done … Continue reading

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How to Listen

THE SUBTLE ART OF LISTENING             Without a listener there is no reason to speak.  If you want your loved ones to talk to you, learn to be a good listener. Listening well is not complicated but neither is … Continue reading

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Preserve Emotional Safety in Conflict

PRESERVE EMOTIONAL SAFETY IN CONFLICT   When you feel safe you are free to play, nourish, make love, work and be creative in your relationships.  When you don’t, you are likely to fall back on primitive defensive behaviors designed to … Continue reading

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Family Traditions Full of Meaning

FAMILY TRADITIONS FULL OF MEANING   So begins the holiday season, with turkey, football and togetherness.  It’s the national ritual, the beginning of winter, but it’s really about families, our basic social unit. Families all over the world will be … Continue reading

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Say Yes to Your Wife? Not exactly.

  SAY “YES” TO YOUR WIFE?  NOT EXACTLY   Regular readers of the Post may have noticed an article published a few Sundays ago reporting researcher John Gottman’s conclusions on what makes marriages last.  Gottman said that the key factor … Continue reading

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